Day Nineteen - New Year's Eve?

Hello there friends. Did you see the blue moon this morning? I just found out about what a blue moon was last night. It was brilliant at 6 this morning. Did I bake this morning? Yes. Did I go to yoga this morning? Yes. And now I'm sitting in my high school pajamas at home in Orange County. Is it going to be 2010 tomorrow? I guess it's time for New Years resolutions.

1. Be happy. Because we all know happiness is something we all need more of in this life.

2. Write a book. Maybe not finish it within a year. Pipe dream. But pipe dreams are okay once in a while, right? I think the last name of my protagonist is going to be Grave. Graves? One of those, okay!

3. 60/90 day challenge. I'm going to extend the 30 day challenge to a 60 day challenge. I've decided. The 30 days just isn't enough. And from there, who knows? Might go off into a 90 day challenge. 3 straight months of yoga without a break.

4. Quit my vices. We all know what they are. I don't think I need to say them out loud.

I mean, there are more, you know? But I don't think I need to list them all here. My resolutions are happy staying in my journal for now. That's another one of them actually. Journaling more. I feel like I've been neglecting my journal and shunning it into my purse for far too long. Journals were always where my best ideas took flight. Speaking of which, I have such a good idea for a book. Such, such a good idea... You'll see, N! Yes, you! You refuse to believe. The future lies in mermaids. I'll just tell you that for now.

Well since I came home for New Year's Eve instead of staying in San Diego where all the friends are, I have two choices for tonight: hang out with my sister and her old high school girl friends at a house and play Cranium... or hang out with my parents and their old friends in their house... Did I tell you Plan C? The one that is most likely? Staying home and having a glass of champagne before I go to sleep, most likely before midnight. Why oh why oh why did I listen to my mom and come home early. It's not as sad as it sounds. Might be sadder if I go along with Plan A and B.

Have a good New Years Eve, world. Be safe. Say hello to 2010 for me in case I miss it. Love you- xoxox

Day Eighteen

This post is coming a little early because the morning started a little late. Did some yoga at noon and ate some chili at the Pannikin for lunch. Now I'm sipping on a hot chocolate at home still in my wet yoga clothes and I can't wait to take a nice hot shower, slip into my fuzzy new bathrobe, and break into my old typewriter. It's 3:30 and the skies look like it's 6:00, so in I stay today. I plan to make myself some hot tea, and work on my novella. It's been collecting dust over the past year and a half, and I plan to completely change it today. Have a wonderful rainy day friends. Cuddle with your loved ones, have some hot chocolate, and cozy up to your favorite book. In my case, the work in progress from the past two years.

xoxo

Day Sixteen-Day Seventeen

Well, oh well! I didn't update yesterday. But to yoga I did go, yessir. And today, TWICE! Mhm. Pat on the back. And I made soup, and scones, and muffins, and watched Twilight. And then I made Korean BBQ. AND I got the idea for a bestselling novel. What a great day! When I was in yoga today, I realized that most of the time I'm there, I always feel like I'm suffering/enjoying myself. It's a love/hate relationship, really. (Good thematic element for my bestselling novel...) Anyway, I realized today though that I always come out of yoga feeling better, stronger, and it's this feeling that I wish I could remember whenever I feel like not going. I'm now two days past the halfway mark to 30 days and I feel more flexible, sore most days, and more positive about the direction of my life. It's making me think about dedicating myself to another 30 days, making it the 60 day challenge. I talked to a woman today in the studio who dedicated herself to 365 days, which is just, crazy. But maybe it isn't. Maybe making something important to you part of your daily life isn't such a crazy idea. I mean, yoga is taxing, but it's spiritually uplifting, and it's not so insane to devote an hour and a half a day everyday, is it? Bikram was really hard to get used to, but I'm addicted to the heat now. I have a spot on the floor that I claim every class, and I'm convinced it's the hottest part of the studio. When I come out of the studio, I feel like the cold just hits me like an unpleasant feeling, not the breath of fresh air that I craved so much when I first started going. I like getting to the studio 30 minutes early to lie in Savasana and prepare myself mentally for the concentration to come, and before I liked getting to the studio a few minutes late so I could spend the least amount of time as possible in that ridiculously hot room. I feel like my body is changing, and so is my mind. The hour and a half is like a constant battle of mind over matter, and the best feeling comes at the end of the class when the final breathing exercise is finished and you're lying there, triumphant for not walking out of the class or giving up. I feel like I've given up on a lot of things throughout the years, and yoga is one of the things that I haven't given up on in the past two weeks. And sure, it's only been two weeks, but as each day passes and I attend class, I feel elated at the end of the day, like that is one accomplishment done. There are so many things on my To Do list these days, and it feels good to check one thing off that box. I guess that's why people like doing New Year's Resolutions so much. It gives them a chance to dedicate themselves to something and make them feel better about each day. Well, it's working, and I'm excited for the first time for the accomplishments that will come after this one. Challenges are good for the heart. I'm excited to go to sleep at night because I'm one day closer to accomplishing my goals.

And I keep having to remind myself: Baby steps, Hana. Baby steps.

Day Fifteen

Well today marks two weeks from when I started! Did some yoga today even though I was sore and aching from yesterday's yoga fiesta. I can definitely do the camel pose now and see my toes from above! I can also touch the top of my head to my toes with my elbows on the ground when I reach forward! I was muttering curses at Dave yesterday, but I think he might have just been the best yoga instructor I've ever had...

Nothing really exciting today. Just a quiet morning at the Panni, a quiet afternoon at the apartment, and a quiet cup of soup with a glass of red wine for dinner. Now that I've got a swanky new bathrobe and some slippers to boot, I'm completely content staying in and lighting my little pink candle.

And now, here is one of my favorite Dickinson poems:

We grow accustomed to the Dark --
When light is put away --
As when the Neighbor holds the Lamp
To witness her Goodbye --

A Moment -- We uncertain step
For newness of the night --
Then -- fit our Vision to the Dark --
And meet the Road -- erect --

And so of larger -- Darkness --
Those Evenings of the Brain --
When not a Moon disclose a sign --
Or Star -- come out -- within --

The Bravest -- grope a little --
And sometimes hit a Tree
Directly in the Forehead --
But as they learn to see --

Either the Darkness alters --
Or something in the sight
Adjusts itself to Midnight --
And Life steps almost straight.


good night loves. xoxox

Day Fourteen

So I woke up at 6 to drive back to San Diego by 8. Why by 8? Because there are two yoga classes, one at 8 and one at 10. So therefore, I took two yoga classes today, back to back, one from 8-9:30 and one from 10-11:30. And let me tell you, I thought I was going to die by the end of the second one. Dave, the yoga instructor for the second class, forced me to do poses that I have never even dreamt I could do. He completely picked on me because he KNEW that it was my second class of the day! "Well, you're all warmed up now! Forehead to knee, forehead to knee, hana!" And then he saunters over and forces me, physically forces me to put my forehead to my knee in standing head to knee pose. There is a reason why I wasn't just going for forehead to knee today, Dave. It's because I've been sweating half my body weight in water for the past two hours. What an asshole. By the end of the class, I felt like half a person. Oh look, it's 10pm. If I don't go to sleep soon, I'm going to hallucinate. I'm sorry for the half-assed post! Just blame Dave. He really destroyed me today.

Day Thirteen

Well, not really day thirteen because it's Christmas. And that means I'm in Orange County, and that I just baked blueberry scones AND biscuits instead of going to yoga. Scones because we had frozen blueberries in the freezer and the rest of the ingredients in the pantry. Biscuits because I had some leftover whipping cream from the scones and the ingredients are pretty much the same.

So there was a ton of cooking and baking going on today, like there is on every holiday, and in the end it was well, well worth it. We had steaks! And mashed potatoes! and biscuits, and salad, and of course, rice and kimchi jjigae. And of course my mom had to make a snide comment about how easy it is to prepare "American food." And she definitely said that because she didn't have to marinate the steaks. Koreans and their pride.






Look! Sage is alive and well!


Two peas in a pod:

Momma with the blueberry scones:

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And this is a special treat. It's from this time, last year. As a refresher, N and R had just come back from Smashing Pumpkins and they picked me up and we went to GV to study, which didn't really happen, and then we went next door to Shakespeare.


Anyways, friends, Merry Christmas! Warm hugs and well wishes from this side of California.

xoxoxo

Day Twelve

Christmas Eve and the Pannikin is jam-freakin-packed with families and couples and reunioners. Woke up too late to go to yoga this morning, so it looks like next week I'm doubling up for a few days in a row...

Not much to report, really, other than that the drive home wasn't bad at all. Not really any traffic, which really shocked me. Then Joana and I decided to get dinner since I got there in time. We realized pretty quick that there were no restaurants open on Christmas Eve. But guess which one was?

The Olive Garden.

When we were kids, our family would go to the Olive Garden on special occasions and my dad would always order the ridiculous Tour of Italy platter, which I finally saw the calorie content for, and just thinking about it makes my stomach turn. Joana and I used to always order a side of ranch to dip our breadsticks in, and I would always pick out the jalapenos and olives because they were my favorite and I liked to save them for last. Anyway, my point is, the Olive Garden was a special place when we were kids, and for a long time now, I've always known that it was the Denny's of Italian food, but I was still disappointed when I went last night, which was the first time I've gone back since we were kids. Talk about convoluted sentences. Can you tell I haven't written this blog post in my head before I started writing it?

So that is all I really have to say on the subject of Christmas Eve. And also, it's really wonderful to have a heated blanket in our icebox house.

Day Eleven

Hi friends, So yesterday was the Pannikin holiday party. Such a ridiculous night. The day before, a customer came into the cafe with this crazy camera and some white card that he tried explaining to me before he realized I wasn't really paying attention. Anyway, he asked if he could take a few pictures of me, so I said okay. And I made an awkward face as he took two pictures. Then he said that he'd bring in prints for me the next day so I could have some. I said okay thank you. And that was the end of it.

Well, not really the end of it. Because yesterday afternoon, a few hours before the party, Cri tells me that a customer brought something in for me. She pulls out a huge cylinder cannister and then takes out two HUGE POSTERS of my FACE. Two posters. Really? So of course I wrap it up and submit it as my White Elephant gift for the holiday party. Best idea Ever. Really. Next time any of you go to a white elephant, just get two huge prints of your faces and put that in as the gift.

So the rest of the night was spent dancing, drinking mimosas in our PJs, eating bacon and blueberry pancakes, and finding funny places to put up the posters of my face. Now that I think about it, I really hope it's still not posted on the front window of the cafe...

If any of you have facebook, you've probably seen these pictures already. And you know what, it really isn't that funny on the computer because the scale of the pictures are so minimized...

Anyway, here are some pictures:


The bar, with Cri wearing the new Pannikin sweater and the Papa t-shirt!


Dancing jefes


Here is the poster they taped up above the dishwashing sink in the back so that it's the first thing Miguel sees when he comes in the next morning.


The video you are about to watch is what happened before the picture that follows it... In my drunkenness, I agreed to do it.

Happy early Christmas eve friends. I'm going to Day Twelve of Bikram now. Goodnight!

xoxox

Day Ten

Well, I went ahead and did it. Just got back from yoga, and I am swearing never to go to a 6:30pm class ever, ever again. Definitely the hardest class so far, and it isn't just because the room had been heating all day and was at the hottest point I've ever experienced. I think I must've not hydrated for a few hours before class, which really screwed me over. Well, it's over now.

But guess what? On my way back home, I was listening to 94.9 and realized that they were playing a song from Bob Dylan's holiday album! Then, when that song ended, I realized that it was 8:00! And it was album of the night hour on 94.9! The radio station does this cool thing where it plays an album in its entirety without any breaks at 8pm. Last time I was pleasantly surprised by Low. This time, it was Bob Dylan's holiday album! So I sat in the car for a while and listened to the whole thing. And you know what? With the exception of a few songs, Drummer Boy especially, which actually might be the best version I've ever heard... I actually felt like... and please don't take this the wrong way... that... that some of the songs were sleazy... God, that was hard to get out. I think it's the songs where there are the most angelic female vocals you could possibly hear in a Christmas song, and then Dylan's voice comes in with this deep throaty, almost harsh tone. I don't know. I just listened to the songs once. I should listen again before I say anything. All I'm saying is, that's the impression I got. Which might be completely unfounded. See how hesitant I am to commit to this word I just tried to use to describe Dylan's holiday album? Well, it made me really happy that it was this album in particular tonight. I'm not sure why it made me so happy. It wasn't because they were holiday songs. It was probably because they were Dylan's rendition of holiday songs. And I could picture the album cover. And the immediate recognition I had of Dylan's voice (which is so, so rare for me when it comes to other artists) just made me... happy.

Well, cutting back to earlier in the day, when I woke up at 3 in the morning to bake off some scones, muffins, and things, when I felt like the day was off to the best start Ever, down to the afternoon when my shift was ending, and I came home, and I realized that I had just worked a 10-hour shift, and that I had been awake for 12, and that I actually felt really really miserable---I don't remember where the sentence was going. But what I've realized today is that I've started writing blog posts in my head throughout the day again. I used to do it all the time when Xanga was the hot new thang, but I've started doing it again now that I'm actually writing in my blog. Like that paragraph about Dylan on the radio? Totally writing that in my head while I was listening to the album... another reason why I should really consider retracting my earlier "sleazy" comment... But I think it's a good thing. I used to write things in my head all the time, you know, back when I was actually writing. And then I'd write them down in my Moleskine, and translate it back onto the page, and so on and so forth. So this blogging is a start in the right direction, I think. Like those finger exercises you had to do before you started playing the piano. You know, those scales and chord progressions... I forget what they were called. Anybody?

Okay so would you like to take a peek into my morning? This is the best way to start the day: Empty cafe, Bon Iver playing softly on the speakers overhead, first mug of coffee from the first batch of coffee that the machine churns out, and the smell of scones in the air. Did I mention empty cafe? It is my absolute favorite to get to the cafe before anybody else. Another reason why I would love owning a small business. The privacy of it all is just so, so appealing.


Warm hugs and kisses from this side of California.

xoxox

Day Eight - Day Nine

Well, now I just feel guilty. Because I sort of promised a new post yesterday to someone and totally didn't do it. But to be fair, it was N's last day in San Diego so I spent every second I could with him, going out to two dinners, sharing a pitcher of margarita, sitting outside on Adams, and plotting diabolical plans to ruin a certain fashion blogger we caught getting filmed in South Park. So okay, I admit it, I did skip yoga yesterday, but I completely plan to make it up this week (doubling up three times this week), and I totally do not regret not going yesterday.

So I did go to yoga today, after I dropped N off, and while I was doing the pranayama breathing exercise, which is the very first thing you do in class, I could NOT stop coughing. I mean, more like hacking than polite coughing. I had a sudden fit, and I was completely mortified. But my throat's been acting up all day and I haven't even been able to laugh properly without coughing my lungs out. So I almost left class! I almost picked up my yoga mat and walked out. It's the first time, besides the first few times I've ever done Bikram, where I felt the strongest urge to just walk out. But well, I didn't. Mostly because of shame. I was embarassed that I couldn't stop coughing, but I would've been more embarassed to leave class in the first 5 minutes. So I stuck it out, and I'm glad I did. Well, of course I'm glad I did. When are you ever Not glad that you stuck it out in some kind of fitness activity? You're always glad you did it. But then why is it so hard to go? When I was going to the gym everyday, I found that the hardest part about going was getting my ass to the gym. I'd literally sit in my workout clothes at home, in front of the computer, and spend way too much time before I finally guilted myself into going. Weird. Anyway, today is day Nine and the next two weeks might even be easier since N is gone, bless his heart, and I won't be so tempted to eat things that I shouldn't be eating all the time...

I think I just wrote way too much on the topic of yoga/gym. Anyway, to make it worse, I have a picture. And let me just say, I am only posting this picture because I promised a certain someone that there'd be a damn picture on my post today! So here's my after-yoga face:


I really don't know how people keep up Bikram on a daily basis for months and months. How do they maintain their clothes? Do they wash their Bikram outfits all the time? Or do they have so many yoga clothes, which cost an arm and a leg by the way, that they can just change outfits everyday? Because seriously, just owning two sports bras, two tank tops, and two jogging shorts, is getting to be too much. But I feel like I've searched high and low for good yoga clothes, and every time I see something, they have some obscene price like $42 for a tankini! It looks like I'm just going to have to keep doing laundry frequently or cut up some pants or somethin'. It just isn't worth it to invest in clothes that are going to get soaked in sweat every single day.

Okay time to make some split pea soup, curl up with a glass of wine and Murakami. Maybe even an episode of Grey's Anatomy tonight. It's a quiet Sunday evening, and I am completely happy with it.

(Miss you)

xoxoxo

Day Seven

Hello! Yes, I went to yoga today. And then I went to work. And now, I'm about to embark on a special journey. A journey that includes Ramon! I think whiskey and/or beer and/or sushi might be involved. We'll see. Otherwise, same old, same old.

Santa's coming! Can you hear him yet?

xoxo

P.S.

Hello there, for all two of you (MR and RC) (and NN when I clear my throat real loudly into your ear) who read this blog religiously, I am updating with a newsflash.

And no, there are no pictures of Kimchi Pizza, though that IS what I made for dinner tonight. And no, it wasn't a total success, but it's a keeper recipe. One of those that will only improve over time--

But, there's something else. I've made a new friend. Well, not friends yet. I just spent the last 3 hours tearing my hair out over getting the upper thread to pull the bobbin thread out of the hole, and finally realized that I hadn't pushed the bobbin in until it clicked. Goddamn gadgets and their clicks when things are set in place. Anyway, here she is:


Okay, I know, I know. It's Christmas. What am I doing with a new toy for Myself? Well, to be fair, I got it weeks ago! I just realized that this picture isn't that great because a. the detachable compartment is detached and b. the shadow of my canon is showing and c. i didn't take the camera off the fancy spot color whatever mode N had it on earlier today. I never used to be so self-conscious of my photo-taking skills before, but lately I've been noticing on people's blogs that nice words are just not enough. There are beautiful pictures scattered all over the place! Except for twitter, apparently. People upload tons of shitty pictures on twitter. So I got a twitter. So there.

Really wish I was taking a trip up north this winter break. Especially since I know someone up there has got one of these sewing machines... and could teach me so I don't have to decode this ridiculous instruction booklet. It reminds me of the time I put a new ribbon in my typewriter for the first time and ended up with black hands two hours later before I could raise them for success. But this is taking a lot longer than the typewriter...

Well, here's to many creatures and dinosaurs and giant felt typewriters to come!

Who remembers this? Anybody? I still remember the first time I saw this in that Landmark theater on Shattuck with Joy Justus and my jaw literally dropped off my face when the screen shot to this typewriter. Then I got the DVD and there was a Making Of portion where the woman Responsible for these felt beauts got interviewed! And, well, I'll just leave it at that. Before I get even more excited than I already am for the potential that this new sewing machine of mine holds...

Alright fine, maybe it didn't Literally drop off my face...

xoxo friends. Til Day Seven.

Day Five and Day Six

Okay so there wasn't a day five. Why? Well, because I was curled up in bed, clutching Nyquil and a bag of cough drops. All Day. Well, except for the time when I made it over to the computer and watched an episode of Ugly Betty, then Modern Family, then some Office. Except for those times, I was in bed. Swear. So I skipped another day of yoga. But it's okay, because this morning I woke up at 3am and felt spectacular. So spectacular that I jumped out of bed, drove over to work, and started baking off some scones at 4 in the morning. Then I went to Day Six (technically Four) of yoga at 6am.

Okay so the re-telling of days is starting to get real old, and it's reminding me of why I originally made the switch from Xanga to Blogspot. So please everybody, bear with me. I'm cooking up some ideas in my head to make things more interesting.

Well, if it's any consolation, I'll be posting up pictures of a Kimchi Pizza tomorrow. Stay tuned!

xoxox

Day Four

Day Four will have to be put on hold because I am terribly sick. I woke up at 4 am, with the full intention of going to yoga at 9:15, right after the baking gig. But baking and making soup lasted til about 10, and instead of waiting around for the 12 o'clock class, I went home, took some Dayquil, and tried to sleep it off. No luck. Woke up with an insane craving for chocolate chip cookies. And let me tell you, this craving led me to find the best recipe I have tried yet. I guess I like my cookies soft, not as chewy as Lebovitz's version. And this recipe made me realize that I should use AllRecipes more often. I keep telling myself that whenever I make a successful find there...

Anyway, I halved the recipe because I didn't want too many cookies lurking in the house. Here is the halved version:

1/2 cup butter, softened
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp hot water
1/4 tsp salt
1-1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips

Yea, I know. You saw hot water on the list and thought Wtf? I know I did. But it makes sense. Bear with me.

Preheat oven to 350F.
Cream butter and sugars.
Beat in egg. Stir in vanilla.
In a separate bowl, dissolve baking soda in hot water. Then add it to the batter with salt.
Stir in flour and chocolate.

Wax paper on cookie sheet. Bake for about 10 minutes. If you have time, chill the dough for as long as you can before using it. Though with this recipe, I made tiny cookie scoops as soon as I finished making the dough (I was really Craving Cookies), and I found that they hadn't spread at All (hence why they are so f'n amazing right now). But if you can, I'd try to chill the dough. It's always easier to work with when the dough is chilled.

Okay time for me to crawl back into bed now. Drink lots of water, guys. And take lots of vitamins. Being sick just isn't fun at all.

Day Three

Yoga in the morning makes me feel like a better person. You know what Doesn't make me feel like a Better Person? French Toast stuffed with butter. But it makes me feel like the best person when the buttery crime is shared with my special guy.

xoxo

Day Two

Heyyy, I have a question for you. Have you made pizza yet? Yes, all five of you who follow this blog. I'm asking, well have you? Because it's super easy. I have to apologize in advance for the poor pictures. I just discovered that there is a white balance on my camera... but not before I snapped a picture of this:


Okay, so quality isn't so good. But just look at the pizza! Look how happy the sick boy is! Here's a really easy recipe for pizza dough. I'm still working on perfecting it, but this is a good foundation recipe to have:

PIZZA DOUGH
enough for a small thin crust pizza.
(smitten kitchen)

1 1/2 cups flour (half whole wheat flour works too)
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon active dry yeast
1/2 cup lukewarm water
1 tablespoon olive oil

Stir dry ingredients, including yeast, in a large bowl. Add water and olive oil, stirring mixture into as close to a ball as you can. Dump all clumps and floury bits onto a lightly floured surface and knead everything into a homogeneous ball.

Knead it for just a minute or two. Lightly oil the bowl (a spritz of cooking spray perfectly does the trick) where you had mixed it — one-bowl recipe! — dump the dough in, turn it over so all sides are coated, cover it in plastic wrap and leave it undisturbed at room temp. for an hour or two, until it has doubled in size.

Dump it back on a lightly floured counter, and gently press the air out of the dough with the palm of your hands. Fold the piece into an approximate ball shape, and let it sit under that plastic wrap for 20 more minutes.

Sprinkle a pizza stone or baking sheet with cornmeal and preheat your oven to its top temperature. Roll out the pizza, toss on whatever topping and seasonings you like. For the one above, I made an easy tomato sauce using romas, sprinkled some mozzarella and parmesan, added chopped up mushrooms and red onions, grilled eggplant, and fresh basil.

Bake it for about 10 minutes until the dough is just golden and the cheese is slightly browned.

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Okay so, besides the pizza and stuff, I went to day two of bikram. Thought I might not make it today. Should probably have thought it out before committing to a yoga studio so far from home... Granted, downtown la jolla is like a second home anyway. It's rare when I'm not up there during the daytime. Here's why:

Hey, okay, so the picture quality isn't good here either. But you get the idea. I work in a cafe, or we can call it a home, because that's pretty much what it is. And I'll put up some better pictures in a little while, but this works for now. Besides, aren't you impressed that I'm using my digital camera now? Can you tell I finally found my battery charger?

Also, guess what else I've been doing? This picture is a bit better because last night, N went over white balance with me. It's unbelievable that this picture was taken in a dimly lit yellow room. I've been making creatures! They're back, and in pastel this time! This one isn't quite finished yet. She still needs a name, a hobby, and a home. Any takers? I think I might name her Magda, or maybe Madeleine. Maddy, Mildred? Something along those lines... Oh, it just came to me. Sophie. This is Sophie, everyone:

Anyway, so I went to bikram today! That was the basis of my entire post. And look! You get another picture too! Don't barf now. In lieu of a corny Christmas greeting card, you get to view this gem in the privacy of your own home. Look ma, we both got haircuts!:

Day One

Hi, hello, it's been quite a while. I see I've gotten lazy over the past couple of months. Well, no more, dammit! It's about to be a new year, and I'm ready for some movement in my life.

I just committed to 30 days of Bikram. Today was Day One. I've already written down the countdown in my trusty little Moleskine Planner. 29 more days to go. Today I idiotically left my bottle of water in the locker room and had set up my mat at the very far corner of the heated room and laid down in Savasana when I realized what I had done. Just then, the instructor walks in and it's too late for me to get my bottle of water. The last time I had forgotten a bottle of water, I felt feelings of desperation and anxiety I had never really known whenever I heard the crackle of a water bottle being downed by someone next to me. So today sucked. After the class, I was the first one out the door.

Yea, I don't know. I mean, they say 30 days of Bikram will transform you physically and mentally, and I'm prepared to discipline myself into it. Every time I've done Bikram in the past, I've felt like I was on a high the rest of the day. Sometimes though, I also feel exhausted. I want to document it all on here though, since it'll give me something to look forward to. A girl I knew once told me that when she was quitting smoking, she used to draw a big X on a big calendar for every day that she didn't smoke. She said she'd be carrying around a fat black sharpie for the majority of the day, but it helped her quit. I'm kind of the same way with going to the gym and doing yoga and all that kind of stuff. Every time I do it, I have to write it down in my planner that I went, and for some reason, it gives me a really good feeling. Strange. But hey, whatever works, right? I just hope I don't turn into crazy Bikram Lady who goes to Bikram 3 times a day and has these callouses on the bottom of her feet that are white from being moist too often. She dripped onto my yoga mat the other week and I went out and bought a new one. Disgusting.

Okay, so I don't have much more to say, other than N is sick and it's rainy, which gives me an excuse to bake some chocolate chip cookies! I baked an apple tart last night, but I think today is a day for cookies. So here we go! Here is a recipe if you're interested:

from THE BIG BOOK OF CHOCOLATE:

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1 stick unsalted butter, cold, cut into 1/2-inch pieces

1 large egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon coarse salt

1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips *sometimes I like to use milk chocolate

1 cup walnuts or pecans, toasted and chopped

Preheat oven to 300F

Beat sugars and butters together until smooth. Mix in egg, vanilla, baking soda.

In a separate bowl, stir together the flour and salt, then mix them into the batter. Mix in the chocolate chips and toasted nuts.

Scoop the cookie dough into 2-tablespoon balls and place 8 balls, spaced 4 inches apart, on each of the baking sheets.

Bake for 18 minutes, or until pale golden brown. Remove from the oven and cool on a wire rack.

ga-ga-ooh-la-la

thanksgiving menu

so this thanksgiving, i decided to pay a tribute to gourmet (rip) by cooking off some recipes from their final thanksgiving issue.

cheddar corn muffins with jalapeno butter
golden onion tart
bacon smashed potatoes
fruit medley salad
winter squash soup
cranberry orange relish
turkey, of course

and sweet potato pie

--

last but not least, thanksgiving pictures!






last year's thanksgiving pictures:






also, i want to add one more thing here. look who N's introduced me to:



too tired to make this post witty and frilly. xoxo

sometimes i'm so afraid i'll go crazy.

the knife

couture torture

anja rubik and boots

reminder to self: school of seven bells october 4th at the casbah.

english trailer.

the food network and family

i have never watched so many food network shows in my life. it's the one thing that my mother and i can bond over. our love of food. not to mention one thing that we both agree on is: american food is disgusting.

i never realized how healthy korean food actually was for you. i just started typing this whole shpeal, speal (sp?) on americans, food, and racism, but i'm tipsy right now and i had to force myself to delete it all.

basically, this guy, the face of tgif, the guy who does the thing on food network where he goes to diners and stuff? he's disgusting! GOD. well, to be fair, maybe it's not him, maybe it's just the producers. but his "pleased" look is too convincing for me to think that he's not actually enjoying the bullshit that he puts in his mouth. he went to a place that actually had a pizza flipper to flip PANCAKES. so this diner had pancakes that were too big for a regular spatula. and the same restaurant served this ungodly dish that consisted of sliced bread, topped with a slice of ham the size of a really fat ass, CHEESE SAUCE (do NOT make me get into what this consists of), and crispy fries.

and this guy alton brown is really corny and annoying too. his show 'good eats' is doing a special on sushi and though it's informational, it doesn't denote the fact that the little acting there is on this show is annoyingly bad, as well as alton's technique for delivering information.

but all in all, being with the family is nice. the cake part of the family is always in the living room talking about cakey things together. and cuddling our cakey dog... and my dad is always upstairs watching korean tv on my computer...

i've also realized that if i just spend a few weeks at home, eating my mom's food, i would probably drop about 30 pounds immediately. koreans love pickled shit, but they also love low-fat, low-carb (excluding rice), and low-american-influenced-food. i kind of love it. maybe i should write a book about how you can go to asia and have it be a diet plan.

but i've been baking

today's cups:

i haven't written in a while.

a few things:

one summer ago. sandal tan, bikini tan, so happy.

1. i'm moved into my new place. windansea. next to the beach. i can hear the ocean crashing from my bed. the air is salty. i can't believe it.

2. going to korea for three weeks in july into august. can't express how excited i am to experience humidity, bakeries, and post-hana-in-jr.-high korea.

3. daedelus this saturday. i'll go alone if i have to. that might actually be fun.

4. the veils coming to LA july 15th. definitely going. especially since i have a car now.

5. oh yea, i have a car now. god i can't believe i lived in san diego so long without one.

6. school of seven bells in october at CASBAH. yessssssssss.

7. mandifer moving in soon. so so excited.

8. an order for five dozen cupcakes this saturday. kitchenaid to the rescue.

restless

father's day menu: horseradish potato salad, mustard salmon, bruschetta with french bread, spinach salad.

me and the pops

my homer simpson donut cupcake.

this weekend consisted of a really good show, good food, and good family time. i'm supposed to be moving out of my place tomorrow, and i haven't gotten anything packed. i'm sitting on the floor of my room, next to my bed, dreading the time when i have to put everything in boxes again. it would be nice to settle into a place, once and for all. or it would also be nice to not own much, and be able to move places whenever i feel like it. how did i end up with so much stuff? two years ago i didn't have anything. i like to nest in places, which is why this apartment was so strange. i felt like it was only for a short time, and so i never properly nested. which is also a part of the reason why i never felt at home with it. i still feel like i'm sleeping in some nice hotel that happens to have all my stuff. but the only time i ever felt at home anywhere was when i was living by myself in hillcrest. i guess that's the benefit of paying a lot for an apartment... living itself shouldn't be so expensive. why is it so expensive? why is it so hard? i went home this past weekend and i realized how at home i really felt there. even though it's not mine anymore, i still feel comfortable when i'm there. like all my secrets are out in the open and even though my parents might give me shit, they're not judging me. it's strange, being home. so i'm here now, and i have all this stuff to move tomorrow, into another temporary place, that happens to be right next to the beach, and i know i won't be able to nest there either. i feel weird about this.

but on a semi-related note, i think i'm going to invest in a truck and open up a shop that moves.

and i don't know how i feel about ellipses yet. i don't really like them very much... but i realize that two more periods can go a really, really long way.

na, this one is for you. i know you'll be delighted with this picture:

class of 2008

i just got my cap and gown. for some reason, maybe it was because of last year, i didn't think it would actually happen. i thought that i would go up to the counter, they would swipe my card, put in my information in the computer, and they would look up at me slowly, eyes still on the computer screen, and say something along the lines of: sorry, we can't let you graduate yet. i was kind of hoping something like that would happen. but that would also have been devastating. i was also expecting the guy to swipe my card and then say, i'm sorry, you're not in the system. and then it would've been like i didn't really exist, like i wasn't actually about to graduate, or take a final, or buy my cap and gown. sometimes i really don't think i exist in college. i feel strange, like a fish out of water. but what actually happened was the guy took my broken ID card and chuckled, "i guess that's a sign it's time for you to graduate!" ha ha ha. so he enters in my number and gives me a ticket. asks me what height i am and gives me a gown. and a cap. and a tassel. and that's it. granted, i still have a class left to take. but that's it. the end of college. i don't really know how else it should be. but now i'm about to take one of my last finals of college. and i can't believe it's all really happening. i feel like curling up into a ball in the corner of a room and disappearing.

hero:

finals week

sit down by the fire

there ain't no way to get what i want

proteins are composed of carbon, oxygen, and hydrogen.

i feel like i'm wasting my time.

it's windy and dark outside. but i'd rather be there than in here. libraries are so unnatural. humid and unnatural. nobody wants to be here! do they? 

back to cellular respiration.

blackbird singing in the dead of night

Lately, the Price Center blackbird is all the rage:

picture from the guardian

these birds kind of make me happy... but maybe that's because i haven't fallen victim yet.

nutrition

so far, my favorite part about the nutrition class i am taking is how the "average American" and "average person" are always distinguished from each other.

a strawberry cupcake on a gloomy day

thanks to mandifer, i finally have a picture of one of my cupcakes!

here is a strawberry one, positioned next to a cup of coffee from the panni:

and how could i make a post about The strawberry cupcake without any recipe? (S, this is mostly for you since i know you'll use it)

ingredients:

strawberry sauce

2 cups (an overflowing little green basket from the store) of fresh strawberries, stemmed.

a little bit of sugar to taste (i don't use any in mine)

cupcake

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature

1 cup granulated sugar

2 large eggs, room temperature

1 1/3 cup all-purpose flour (i use cake flour but all-purpose works fine)

1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/8 tsp salt

1/2 cup strawberry sauce

1/4 cup milk

cream cheese frosting

8 oz. (1 rectangle package) of cream cheese (room temp. let it sit out while you're making the other stuff)

1/2 stick butter (room temp)

4 cups sifted powdered sugar

1/4 cup (i end up using less) of strawberry sapreuce

directions

1. soak the strawberries, stemmed and cut up, with a bit of sugar for 15-20 minutes. put strawberries in a small saucepan and heat under medium heat. cook the strawberries until they get all soft. puree with a blender until it's nice and smooth. cool before using it in the recipe. (because i don't add more sugar to the strawberries, i skip the entire saucepan step and just puree the strawberries. this works fine, and you don't have to wait for it to cool)

2. preheat the oven to 350F. whisk the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a medium sized mixing bowl (you don't have to use your giant one for this one). set it aside. in a separate bowl (an even smaller bowl), mix the milk and the strawberry sauce.

3. beat the butter on high until it's soft. add sugar and beat until it's light and fluffy, about 4 minutes. add eggs one at a time and beat smooth in between each.

4. add about a third of the flour mix to the butter/sugar mix and beat to combine. add a third of the milk/strawberry mix and beat until combined. keep alternating the flour and milk until you've finished!

5. scoop the mix into cupcake papers until almost full. bake for 20-22 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean! 

frosting

1. sift powdered sugar into a bowl. (when i first started making cream cheese frosting, i would skip the sifting step and god, does it make a difference. sift, sift, sift!)

2. beat butter and cheese together until creamy.

3. add half the sugar, beat until combined. 

4. slowly add some strawberry sauce, not too much because it'll be runny otherwise.

5. gradually add some more sugar (more if you have to because it's too runny) 

6. beat, beat beat!

(another tip: if you want to bring your eggs to room temp real fast, just pop it in a bowl of not-so-hot water and wait for 2 seconds. feel them and they should be warm!)

squirrels

LA vs. L.A.

Scenario: Eating dinner.

Players: Nathan, Hana, Tabasco Sauce.

N: Let's see how well you know your tabasco sauce!

N: First question. What country was tabasco made? 

H: um... USA?

N: Not bad, not bad. How about city?

H: City?! How would I know city?

N: L.A. Now, what is the-

H: Hold it. L.A.? It was made in L.A.? 

N: Yes. Squints at the wrapper. L.A.

H: As in Los Angeles?

N: Yes. Squints at the wrapper again. Oh wait, is that not... L.A.?

N: L.A...

H: Nathan. Did you mean Louisiana?

Culprit:

Memorial Day Weekend

consisted of matching sneaks, matching flannel, ramon's surprise present(s/ce), nathan's new toy, and admiring overpriced leather!